"Nice guys always finish last" myth. BUSTED!

Traditionally after a mass shooting, the hot topics of discussion that usually ensue usually circulate around gun control, political dissonance and nature or nurture debates (i.e. video game violence indoctrination or innate psychosis deviation). The Santa Barbara shooting however has ignited an unusual global discussion with misogyny as the centrepiece. Take to twitter using #Yesallwomen to follow the thread of comments.

I won’t mention the shooters name. I do not believe this individual should be granted the privilege of having their name remembered and sprawled across the internet. However, I would at this point like to remember the victims of this terrible tragedy.

Cheng Yuan Hong

George Chen

Weihan Wang

Katherine Cooper

Veronika Weiss

These are the people who deserve to be mourned for their lives lost to a monstrous act. Not the monster who committed the crime.

I am honestly angered that there are men out there who are paying sympathy to this manic who has taken the lives of both women AND men. They mourn for him, empathising that they understand how he could have been driven to such horrific madness because women had not given him any attention. That he was left to live his young adulthood as a virgin. Are women now under some obligation to keep men from committing mass murders by dishing out sexual favours? 

I have always detested the internet’s constant memes harping on about the dissatisfaction that apparently “nice guys always finish last”. That apparently all women knowingly and purposefully elect to become romantically involved with men who are inherently “douchbags”. The theory, a generous label, purports that because of the neglect “nice guys” have suffered at the hands of careless women, they are somehow then justified in themselves turning into “douchebags” and cannot be blamed for the rampage that ensues.

Do these boys and men, no #notallmen, so fervently support this conjecture because they genuinely believe that in the history of the human race, only “nice men” have been apparently been wronged by women and that “nice women” have not been by men? Or is it simply sheer entitlement?

Firstly, let me point out, this “theory” debunks itself. It literally identifies “nice guys” and “douchebags” as one in the same. It simply suggests a mutation. Ultimately, it’s still the undeniably the same cell. Secondly what are the criteria that one must satisfy to be so neatly categorised into one of the two? Surely in the twenty-first century we have moved beyond the fictitious and ultimately un-profound generalisations of good and bad. I should like to think that our understanding of the human psyche has at the very least allowed us to grasp the fact that the nature of the whole things is so complex that monochromatic groupings such as those do it no justice.

For arguments sake however, let me pretend that this primitive distinction exist. Firstly, “nice guys always finish last” is completely unfounded and an untrue generalisation. It is only from a very self-centred perspective that one would come to the conclusion that they are the only one being hurt in a situation. Hypothetically, and yes it happens, a very “nice” man has very genuine feelings towards a female friend and those feelings are not reciprocated. From a very narrow perspective, derived from a need to justify everything, that man may see his unsuccessful conquest, and subsequent “friendzoning”, as directly correlated to her affections for a less than admirable man. Before we proceed, why doesn’t anyone ever seem inclined to label this female character as the antagonist or the protagonist? Would it not be fair to place her in a similar light and make hyperboles such as “nice girls always finish last?”

If we're really being fair here, the “nice” guy and the girl are really one in the same. Both insist on pursuing someone who ultimately does not feel the same way. This is the real world. It’s not a romantic comedy and the truth is just because you’re nice, do the right thing and MAYBE you do “deserve” to win the person’s affections, the reality is that this does not entitle you to them. Maybe they are making a mistake by choosing someone who doesn’t treat them as well as you THINK you’ll treat them but that’s their mistake to make. Take it on the chin, wish them well and move on. Don’t become spiteful and use this experience as an excuse to become a manipulative player or worse, allowing your unjustified anger to manifest into violence.

Take ownership for you actions. If an individual’s pure motivation to befriend and be nice to another person were solely driven by a desire to possess them, then I for one would not consider them a particularly “nice” person. Men and women alike need to let go of this false sense of entitlement. Just because you give to someone does not entitle you to take from them if they do not return the favour as you would have liked. Love is not an arena where everyone’s efforts are always rewarded accordingly. People are not trophies to be won. You can only give the love you have to give and hope that just maybe those feelings will be returned with mutual affection but there are no promises.

The Validity of One's Pursuit of Happiness

Disclaimer: Before we proceed I need to make clear that I fully support the proliferation of knowledge and education to all, women and men alike. Furthermore I strongly encourage and admire any individual's personal choice to devote their life to their career. So please do not mistake what you're about to read as suggesting otherwise, because that would not be the case. 

What is a controversial discussion should really be a simple concept: feminism should, and on some level has, liberated women (not globally but arguably in 'developed' societies) in that she has the equal right, as any, to choose what she deems worthy of her life's devotions. That said, there is still this suffocating stigma that pre-defines the boundaries of success for women

Young women today are prescribed this equation for happiness that encompasses independent success that is largely career focused. I see so many people, men and women alike, slaving through university and a corporate job with no real attainment of wisdom or joy. Yet so many are shamed for not adopting this path. I'm not detracting from the importance of an education or discouraging the youthful drive and hunger for success. What I'm trying to emphasis is that one should make such pursuits through their own wilful mindedness. Should this path give them no true value and enrichment then I truly see no purpose for it. 

"Eventually I think I would like to devote myself to my family and children..." said with hesitation. 

"Really?" (Cue speech about the great insult this is to feminism)

In my personal experience through university and a corporate career, I have encountered many occasions where women are questioned for their persuasion towards a family focus lifestyle rather than a 'successful career'. This is only an example of the pressures faced by women today to achieve simply to satisfy the expectations of their peers.Whilst I am not insinuating that this is the case for all women, or that a successful career is not a valid life goal, my point is that as individuals we should feel liberated to pursue happiness, whatever form that may materialise in. Feminism was a movement of liberation. The great achievements of our predecessors should not be manipulated by modern activist to guilt women into passionless pursuits. I have an honest belief that if a woman is happy and free in what she devotes her daily life to, it really is no business of mine, or anyone else, to question or judge her. 

Whilst I have made the very personal choice to attain a university degree and strive towards a corporate career, many of my peers have opted for other routes. Narrowing the focus to simply the female cohort, I know many women who forged this path for many a reasons and I cannot say indefinitely that my happiness surpass theirs. In fact were I to, it would be said with much hesitation. I know one too many high achieving university students or even graduates who lack direction driven by passion. True, unadulterated, raw passion. Often times I feel their focus is misdirected because our society has constructed this artificial standard dictating what qualifies as a thing worth chasing, as a thing lucrative enough to justify our life's reverence.   

Don't let anyone build the confines of what qualifies as a passion or a subject worthy of your pursuit in life. Remove yourself from the measurements and categories constructed around you. Be limitless. I should think that once you forgo the interpretations and ideals of success imposed by society, many real opportunities and possibilities will open to you. Otherwise you will be destined to an endless chase for validation that you have achieved "something" in life as defined by everyone else but you. 

Just a little food for thought.

Chanel

Peak Hour Rush: Breakfast

Breakfast. That all important first meal of the day that gets you up and running (literally if you're always late for the train like I am) for the day. But don't lie, you skip it. Regularly. Even worst? Your at desk "breakfast" of choice is most likely a coffee (soy latte to be exact). It's a horrible habit that greatly diminishes your brain power, energy levels and is damaging to your overall physical health. But like so many things that aren't good for us, we do it because it's easy and convenient and really time management is not my best skill set at 7am in the morning. 

So what's a resolve that does not compromise speed and ease or demand more time in the early morning rush to work? Pre-packed breakfast is your answer! If you're working full time in an office environment you should be packing lunch at least 3-4 days a week as it is. If you work in the CBD (city) as I do, buying lunch everyday makes coming too work more about spending money than earning it! So, if you're packing lunch the night before, you might as well pack breakfast as well. Best part? Pre-made breakfast is a much less demanding task than lunch. 

Tips 

> Breakfast on the go should be light and easy. Nothing rich and heavy simply because it'll make you too full and you'll be falling asleep at your desk rather than feeling energised and ready to take on the world!

> Pick relatively hassle free, low maintenance foods so that you can eat it on the train or at your desk in the office. Don't be embarrassed, because I can assure you, everyone around you is either completely empathetic (they're on the same train, most likely going into work too!) or completely jealous, they're hungry bellies growling.  

> If you're self conscious and want to be discrete, pick foods that don't have a strong smell. 

Fruit Salad & Organic Yogurt 

Make a big batch Sunday night and keep it in the fridge. You can snack on it during the week whenever you like, but it's amazingly easy to pack in Tupperware and take on the go to work. 

Breakfast friendly fruits may include, but are not limited to:

> Bananas 

> Blueberries

> Strawberries

> Lychee 

> Rockmelon 

I am currently obsessed with Five:am's organic yogurt range. Honey & Cinnamon is my weakness. It's thick, it's creamy and completely addictive. I have a preference for dipping my pieces of slice up fruit in it but you can also stir in some granola for a filling breaky! 

So let's do our best to get on, and stay on, that breakfast bandwagon! Don't let a busy schedule compromise a balanced lifestyle.

Chanel

Is Two Faced's Mascara Really 'Better Than Sex'?

I received a questionable look as my boyfriend caught sight of the metallic pink cylindrical tube with "BETTER THAN SEX" marked across it's body. This mascara definitely stands out amongst my collection in terms of packing but does it fair the same in terms of it's quality? 


I usually stay away from high-end mascaras because I think drug-store mascaras do an equally good job. Moreover, mascaras have a relatively short life-span as compared to other cosmetic items, as such splurging on a mascara that will only last a couple of months always seems illogical (not that splurging on make-up in general is awfully logical!). 

All that said, I have to say that I am thoroughly enjoying what Too Faced's Better Than Sex Mascara is doing for my lashes. I love the look of long voluminous lashes and to be honest if I could deal with the maintenance, I would probably constantly have lash extensions or fake lashes on. But alas, I'm much to lazy for that and that's where this mascara comes in. It is amazing! I didn't want to believe the hype, I didn't want to cave and fall in love but it just happened. 

What you need to know...

The PROS

> It's build-able without being clumpy. This formula allows me to touch-up without getting spidery lashes. So if you're a little OCD like me or you just feel like a little pick-me-up through out the day, just give them lashes a quick curl and then add a fresh coat of this mascara on top!

> It's lusciously black 

> In two coats, my none existent lashes are not only longer and thicker, but they are curled! The magical shape of the brush lifts my limp Asian lashes into a curve and saves me from using an eyelash curler.
> If you do use a lash curler, it holds a curl beautifully despite my highly annoying mono-lids trying to force them back down! 
> It does not smudge or transfer.
> This is a non-waterproof formula so it is easy to take off at the end of the day with a basic cleaner or make up remover.

The CONS

> With a price tag of $31.95AUD it's a steep price to pay for a mascara.

> You do need to work with it. For me one coat isn't quiet enough to achieve the amazing affects this mascara has to offer, so you have to play around with it a little and build up the layers. 

>The brush is a little big for my eyes, meaning I do have to be a little bit more careful on application. 

> Again this is not a waterproof mascara, which make be a deal break for some of you out there. This is personally not a problem for me because I don't usually gravitate towards water resistant formulas anyways. 

Verdict 

Although this mascara is not without it's flaws, it's pros far outweigh its few cons. I can tell you for sure I will be repurchasing this mascara despite it's somewhat steep price point because I just cannot get over the amazing length, volume and curl this mascara gives me! It manages to hold a curl against my mono-lids without making my lashes stiff and 'crunchy'. 

I've always been a eye-liner daily kind of girl because my lashes have always looked limp and fairly non-existent even with mascara. The only way I felt I could actually define my eyes was with eyeliner. Since I've started using this mascara I have stopped wearing eyeliner on weekdays! If I can save a couple of minutes in the mornings when I'm frantically getting ready for work, then I'm all for that. The mascara alone manages to define and bring out my eyes without the help of any other eye make-up! The results speak for themselves (pictures below) and to me, it's 100% worth the investment. 

As to whether this mascara is really better than sex? I think I'll let you guys decide on that one on your own ;) 

Chanel